Are you there God? It's me, Ila.

Last week, has been so tricky that I can't help but turn to God (if He exists).

My voice talks to me!

When I sit alone in my room,

And my voice talks to me,

And says that I have lost you before I could even get you,

It hurts me to see you fading away from my life each day.

And he says everything that is right!

And he says everything that is right.

I just keep on going wrong.

But trust me, please do.

I didn't do anything bad, since I met him.

Past haunts, and it ruined my present and future too.
He loved me more than anything, but not any more.
And I don't blame him for this change.
Am somehow dealing with this fact.
Hah! No more options! No more solutions!

A Promise...

I loved, I cared, I adhered,
And yes, I tried my best;
to make it work against all the odds.
But now I am all tired and lost.

Silent Night

A Part Of Me!

With you by my side,
I took a deep stride.
With you gone now,
I don’t feel alive somehow.

Poetry: To My Love, From Me...

She would never have been angry…

Maybe, she just wanted things,

And not merely the trings.

Perhaps he was doing his bit,

He never let her quit.

She had questions,

She wished to see reciprocations

But, all she got was a set of accusations!

It was her DAY,

It was her BIRTHDAY.

She wanted him, his time,

A gift laced with smiles,

An expression in his rhyme,

And not just to travel miles.

They did spend an evening,

Together, they had a great evening.

He did it all with love and care,

Perhaps,

Loving her was his flair!

***

Okay, they do love each other,

Of course, they are meant to be together!

What would he miss if she goes?

Restlessly, a question she throws.

Wishing to strengthen the rope,

For an answer that would rekindle hope.

His minimalism in love irks her at times,

She wonders if he could just surprise her sometimes.

***

He inspires her in a million ways,

Adding phrase after phrase.

But, her NEVERLAND dreams…

They are beyond limits,

They are full of craze!

His actions are mysterious, if she is upfront,

His smile is still her REJOICE,

Even when he fails to let ‘them’ have an IDENTITY.

They fight and she says, ‘Let’s BREAK UP’,

They hug and he says, ‘Let’s MAKE UP’.

Oh, all she has to do is STAY.

The words that they often say,

The smiles, hugs and kisses in the café,

Keep getting etched for the DOOMSDAY!

‘We have no FUTURE’, she says.

‘But, we have a PRESENT’, he says.

And in a moment, they are angry again.

Look how the smile fades away,

But LOVE?

Yes, Love continues to stay.

Love binds their FAIRYTALE,

Ohh…

But careful, it’s still frail.

She wants overt romance, he keeps it subtle,

She winks, and he writes an ODE TO HIS ANGEL.

Tamanna - Book Review

Tamanna
By Tejeshwar Singh
Review By Ila Garg

Tamanna, a novel by Tejeshwar Singh, is published by FingerPrint Publication. The cover shows a girl who seems to have an independent streak. It speaks volumes about the plot of the book and manages to attract the readers. The sub-title ‘a true story of forbidden love’ does raise several questions in the mind of a prospective reader.

Tejeshwar Singh is a multi talented person, who runs a software consultancy firm in the heart throb of the country - Delhi. A little late in acknowledging his yearning for creative writing, he confidently pursues his passion now. He has had a keen interest in the mysteries and the truths about relationships and the human emotions associated with them. Tamanna is his attempt to portray what lay in his sub conscious mind. It is not just a book but an emotional journey of a man who fell in love twice!

Tamanna is the second book by Tejeshwar Singh, the first being I’ve had enough… God, which was published by Rupa in 2009.

The blurb reads as, “True love is like a permanent state of madness, one that makes us end up doing things we always thought ourselves incapable of.
The same happened with Delhi-based Arjun Singh. As a teenager, he made fun of romantic movies and love songs. Even when he got married, he only gradually fell in love with his wife—their love was mature and pure and had none of the madness that love stories are made of.
But his story only begins here . . .
One day at a party, he meets Tamanna, who looks breath-taking beside her overweight and pompous husband. Her arrival turns Arjun’s life around. He does everything love-struck teenagers are known to do—from writing poetry and letters to checking his phone every few minutes. He pines, he sings, he cries, he obsesses, he hyperventilates, he regrets, he scolds himself, he broods, he dreams, and he loves—truly and helplessly.
And as time passes, the gradual revelation of Tamanna’s maturity, her thoughtfulness, and her witty personality leave Arjun completely awestruck. But his is not a usual love story, for he is married, and so is she.
Heart-breaking and inspired by the author’s life story, Tamanna is a journey through a man’s heart, exploring, as it does, how it is possible to love more than one person at the same time, and how love heeds no reason and no boundaries.”

So what exactly happens when a married man comes face to face with a wonderful woman in all respects? Well, Tamanna is a story reflecting this side of encounter – a forbidden arena – a love that is a taboo in our society!

A married man and a doting father, Arjun meets this crazy, fun to be with, amazing woman, Tamanna at a dinner party and instantly falls for her. The author has given real details of this forbidden love and how Arjun dealt with these emotions and turmoil, how he curbed them. Tamanna too is a married woman with a child. Dinners between both the families and some friends become a regular affair soon. His friends persuade him that it’s only lust but gradually Arjun realises that it’s pure love. It’s almost like a confession!

The story moves in a flow and nowhere will a reader feel any disconnect. It’s so well-written that once you pick up, you cannot keep it down without finishing it off. I found it quite engaging. The subject is tackled beautifully by the skillful author. It seems a real account, in fact. The language is easy to comprehend. However, some parts seem repetitive marring the reader-interest.

How Arjun met Tamanna, how he discovered his true feelings for her, how he tried confessing his love for her, was he able to tell her about his feelings, did his wife find out about this forbidden love, will Tamanna understand if Arjun comes out clean in front of her are some of the many reasons why you will keep turning the pages to find out what happens in Tamanna. Another reason that would keep you glued to this book would be the fact that the blurb states the book is inspired by author’s life.

Further, this 240 page book is good enough to expose the different set of emotions that a married man goes through when tangled in a situation like this. What makes it stands out is the realistic approach that the author took in narrating the entire episode. However, the characterization could have been better; it looks very stagnant. It’s a light read and overall a compelling book.

Ratings: 3.5/5

Buying Links: Flipkart | Infibeam

Why me? I need Answers.

Ever since, Gang rape became a common scenario in 'The Heart of our Country', our very own Delhi, I am traumatized by the fact that how brutal can a human be?? Is it finally the end of humanity??

It's painful to hear that nobody is even interested to provide help when such incidents happen right in front of their eyes... and where is the God when all these torturous events happen?? Why is it that every time such mishaps occur, our Govt. takes a back seat and chooses to be all silent?? Why there has to be only a female to become a victim?? Why are men getting so desperate?? Why should only a girl bear all the pains and sufferings?? And why there is no answer when we ask our questions to our elders??

On top of it, the conversation ends with the note that "You are a girl/woman... try to adapt to every situations after all you are to be blamed for what's happening. You are the 'Eve' who brought doom to 'Adam'. It's your duty to follow orders." I still wonder why there is no equality between the sexes?? Why is it a crime to be a part of the fairer sex?? Why a boy and girl are brought up in different ways?? After all both of them are humans created by the same Universal God; only dissimilar with some biological organs. Then why this discrimination?? The former is always ready to show his organs publicly (urinating in the streets) and the later is always been preserved like gems in the family.

But my argument does not end here. There are much more bigger issues to talk about. Like if we can protect our own women of our family then why not the sisters and mothers of others. Why a man glances at the other women with his lustful eyes?? Why can't they behave in a courteous manner with the female folk?? Why are we the species to be taken for granted?? And why every time,we have to be a victim in front of  the male chauvinist pigs?? I think my quest will never end and I wish to have a person who could answer all my questions; questions that are valid.

But my fear does not stop with this. As my questions increase day by day my fear too rises gradually step by step. Every morning when I leave my home I have a phobia for my loved ones that they should not be grudged in to the devilish eyes of any male chauvinist whether it is rickshaw wala, auto driver or just a passer by. I always pray to God that nothing happens to my mother, my sisters, or my friends. No matter what's your age, occupation, etc. the rover like devilish eyes will always follow you like a beast in every way and that fear actually rose rapidly in me after the incident.

Few days back, I was as usual returning home by an auto when on the one side, I had to verbally fight with the idiot auto driver but on the other side I was really worried about the consequences. As the disease lies in the head whether it is a worker or a high profile celebrity the superiority of men towards every female lies in the mind; in the mentality. They only look at us as a sexual object and means of entertainment and nothing else.

But one thing, I figured out after much dwelling, was that the rage; the frustration and pain of being subjugated to tortures has actually alienated the female entities from this world. I although avoid such situations but now I have placed myself as a phoenix with zero tolerance. Indeed, it is a paradoxical statement believing in zero tolerance but what if, I don't tolerate them at all and stand like a fighter with a hope of changing the world. May be together we can hope to make a difference after all.

Dealing with emotions :)

Continuing from where I left in my last post, dealing with emotions is a time-taking process. After a heart-break, one must focus on controlling the outburst as it may do more harm than good. Now, first of all you need to relax and calm yourself. You have a whole life ahead of you, and one loose brick can’t make you fall. Ponder on something else, distract yourself. Force yourself to stop being nostalgic, busy yourself in work. Join some classes, if needed. Find someone to talk to, someone who will not judge you and just listen to what you have to say.

Don’t let negative emotions take the better of you. Planning a revenge or returning the pain can never make you feel better, it will add to the guilt. Let it go, improvise yourself. Use this time to hone a skill that you’ve been wanting to. Why bother about someone else, when you can make yourself a little awesome instead? Don’t be aloof, make new friends, dress up, dance a little - life can be better if we want it to be. Smile a lot, learn to love yourself. Be a keen observer. Look around. There’s a lot of worse going on around you. You are not the only one who is facing it!

And woah! You did it. You just made yourself feel better. But yes, you can never do it all alone. Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally. And see the miracle happen! Give yourself a pat on your success!

Relationships can go through certain turbulent times, we all know that. For happy endings, one must be ready to go through ups and downs. As discussed previously, dealing with heart-breaks and resultant emotions may require a positive outlook towards life. If you are strong-minded, you can come out of the grief sooner. The key is empowering yourself enough to not let anybody else have the power to hurt you. Be committed in the relationship but don’t forget to give space to each other. Even if all this doesn’t help to hold on the relationship tight, be prepared to let it go.

You will have better opportunities waiting at the next door. Don’t compromise with your values for the sake of relationship. True love will never put you in such a situation, trust me on this. Be confident in yourself. Don’t lie to your own self, don’t pretend to be someone you are not. I see, there have been a lot of don’t (s) here, but seriously we have some do’s too. J For one, face the situation, ignoring it will only increase the pain. Waiting for him/her to come back will worsen your situation, and won’t want that, would you?

Moving on can be a personal struggle. Don’t feel that you are alone to deal with it, though. If you will close yourself in a room and cry for hours, that will never heal your heart. Going out, meeting friends, talking to them, venting out will help release the pain in great amount. 

Dealing with the matters of love and romance!

Love and romance are two entirely different concepts. We have all experienced love, love from parents, brothers, sisters, relatives, friends, etc. To love and be loved is therefore not a new feeling. But the ability to feel the intense side of this love - the romantic love, only comes when we reach adolescence. And this kind of love is way different from the love we have been so used to since our childhood days.

Because of this new intense feeling, our life too experiences a series of change. This romantic love can be good for some, heart-breaking for others. And still, it remains an indispensable feeling. It’s a passionate feelings of attraction. Our cultural, may put taboo on it, however, that cannot cease our heart from loving or be attracted to the opposite sex. Some call it infatuation! Express it in whichever way you like, but you can’t deny it. It’s a natural tendency.

Just as you need food to survive, you need romance to grow. They say, love is after all like a food for the soul. We see this romance in front of our eyes from the very beginning (our parents, of course) and yet when we experience it in our own lives, it seems so different from what we read in novels and are made to see in movies. These new feelings can be exciting - or even confusing at first. It doesn't always have a happy ending.

The key is knowing yourself a little better which will in a way, lead you to an optimistic path and assist your romance to grow in the right direction. Believe, and you are halfway through it!

Romantic love hurts, it is not always easy to tread on a smooth path. Heartbreak can result in exquisite pain, strange distress, and what not. Physical wounds can be resolved but the wounds of heart-breaks are never seen, just felt. It takes forever at times, to get used to them.

We all hate the feeling of a heartbreak, don’t we? And yet we find ourselves compelled to go over and over the memories, ideas or fantasies which make the feeling worse. Then we look for solace in painkillers to ease out the distress. But using painkillers, anti-depressants is never a solution to this pain. It can be embarrassing and lead to an incurable mental state.

All you need to do is be strong. Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain. In reality, the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it and accept it. And that is the key that you should follow. We can do it with a belief in our own capabilities. Start with telling yourself that you deserve the best. Affirmations help in a big way! Open your heart, let it love… don’t be afraid.

Bad Romance - Book Review

Bad Romance

By Harshita Srivastava

Review By Ila Garg

Bad Romance, is a special book for a number of reasons, one of them being the authoress is a good friend of mine. Published by Gargi Publishers, a fast progressing self-publishing house, the book has an amazing cover. The colors and sequence is so perfectly chosen by Amol Karambe. It’s a big turn on and you know that yes this is a good book without even flipping the pages. The quality is obviously one of the best in the recent book industry. The title is well chosen and reflects the turmoil that awaits you! 

A full-time writer, Harshita Srivastava is known for her debut novel ‘One in a Million’ published by Mahaveer Publishers in April 2013. Read the complete review here. In addition to her various achievements, Harshita is an avid reader and a prolific blogger. She loves reading classics and is a die-hard Mills and Boons fan. Apart from writing, she loves travelling, reading, listening to music and spending time with friends and family. At present, she resides in Gurgaon and works as a Content Writer with a leading e-commerce group. Bad Romance is her second book.

The blurb reads as, “Life is a bitch and I’m one of its victims. I had the perfect life. I was blessed with the perfect boyfriend, a perfect best friend, the perfect set of girlfriends and perfect choice of career. There were some loopholes but then they went beyond my perspective. Overall, I had the kind of life people would ideally like to have but happy times aren’t meant to last forever.

Sometimes we feel that we have figured life but that’s something that is never going to happen. You know why? It’s because it has this habit of kicking us right in the middle of ecstasy. No wonder, it did the same with me.

This is my story, my story of that exploration within, my feelings, my emotions, my thought process, my priorities, my conflicts and my journey into the temptation of love, lust, lies and betrayals. This is the story of Kritika and a man who gave her life another dimension, Tanishq. This is a story of the complexities of relationships and the trap that a simple idea of sensuality, pleasure and euphoria can put you into. This is a story for everyone who has loved, lost and fought for survival and love, together.”

With an apt tagline ‘Love, Lies, and Betrayal’ the novel moves at a comfortable pace and narrates the plight of a young girl, Kritika who moves to Greater Noida with dreams of becoming an RJ and to pursue her engineering. The story has a good grip and justifies the tagline perfectly. Harshita has used a very harsh narrative to convey the story of her protagonist’s life at the hostel. Her friends and the betrayal she suffers in her love life add to the spice.

‘Bad Romance’ is a quest for true love and like her debut novel, the plot of this book remains the strongest point. The characterization of Kritika and Tanishq and the realistic descriptions score the brownie points here. Harshita is an experienced author and may be this came to her aid when she penned down this beautiful but tragic story. It well exposes the gory details of a relationship in this fast paced ignorant world.

The only thing that irked me throughout was so many errors in the script. The name goof ups and paragraph repetitions were a big put off or perhaps I had high expectations after reading the debut book. Anyway, if readers just focus on the story and are ready to be oblivious of these mistakes here and there, they will definitely enjoy this one.

The 159 page book takes you along with it and makes you vividly see all the events taking place in front of you. The story is quite touching and the main reason that I loved this book is the sheer realism with which Harshita makes her way into the readers’ heart.

The book has some more drawbacks as it gets predictable towards the end. However, Harshita doesn’t let her readers down as there’s never a dull moment while you are reading this book. Every word arouses your interest in the story and you become one with the protagonist as you keep turning the pages.

‘Yay’ Factors: The plot, the realism, the characters.

‘Nay’ Factors: The minute errors as mentioned above.

This is a very quick read, probably 2-3 hours would be enough to read it. Perfect during travelling or late nights! I recommend this book to all those who have suffered betrayals in love or have lost hopes in the face of lies. Harshita has once again proved her mettle. The way she has captured all the intricate emotions of a dejected heart, kept me glued to this book till the end and reminded me of the similar style in her debut book.

Ratings: 3.25/5

Buying Links: Infibeam | Amazon | Flipkart 

And Let There Be Light - Book Review

And Let There Be Light

By Binduu Chopra

Review By Ila Garg

And Let There Be Light, a beautiful novella by the Binduu Chopra is published by Shambhabi Publishers – The Third Eye Imprint. The cover art is attractive and also gives a glimpse into the plot of the novel. It is photographed by Rathish PK and conceptualised and designed by www.tamojit.com. The interesting thing about this cover is that it was selected via a contest. The title is very involving as well. Who doesn’t want a ray of light in this dark, evil world, after all?

First impressions: Good cover, could have been a little better. A nice engaging title. The book size and paper quality could have been better too. Editing is done well, though I did find 2-3 proofreading issues, which can be easily neglected.

The blurb reads as “There is nothing that can hold you down. The limitations are only in the mind, and if the mind is kept open, you will have the freedom to enjoy & celebrate life. The insights shared by Binduu Chopra in her book ‘And Let There Be Light’ can naturally change lives in a simple way. The book on self-development talks about a journey from mundane life to living an awakened life. Various topics like peace, joy, death and wisdom keep the reader engaged and opens the door to embark down a path for inner freedom.”

Binduu Chopra, Author – Poetess, Clinical Hypnotherapist & Aura reader calls herself a mind designer. Having travelled extensively within India & in different parts of the world gave her a chance not just to learn about various cultures, but to understand relationships better. She is warm & vivacious. She wants to finally retire with street children.

P.S. When you buy this book, you help a person with psycho-social disability. (Indeed a noble thought, isn’t?)

Coming to the book, I felt it to be an enlightening experience. The depth of insights shared by the author with such a seamless effort engages the readers instantly. It is a book that will be your bible for self – development skills. The author has good writing skills, as she has managed to keep the language crisp and clear which adds to the beauty of the book.

‘Self-discipline’ is the key word to deal with in this book. It will make you feel aware of your own strength and how to bring it to the fore. It begins with a prologue that introduces us to the origin of the idea behind this novella. It also tells us how paying it forward is such a rewarding experience!

Quoting from the book, “I am happy with my life as it is a mirage. I am blessed to hold an empty cup and stretch my hand, for if it was full – I would not seek to quench. I would be called born, but would have lived dead.” The author has definitely made ample efforts to put together so many varied instances that will lead the readers to a whole new perspective. Like no two fingers are same, the route will not appear to be the same to everyone. It all depends on how you take it, which path you choose to tread on.

Life is an endless cycle of beginnings and ends. Do we find answers to all the questions that life raises before us? Are all our prayers answered? Are all our desired fulfilled? These and many such questions are given way here. The leading light of Guru is our prime focus, once we find this light life won’t seem to be harsh. The book is all about finding the ‘Ignition Key’. It will lead you to your self-discovery!

Through her experiences, the author tells us how it is important to love. She also shares episodes on how we should not let hatred reside in our hearts and the necessity to forgive! It talks about an inner journey that will help us to improve ourselves as individuals. The book engages with several topics like pursuit of a Guru, desires, emotions, discovering self, love, forgiveness, freedom, death, discipline, truth, wisdom and inner journey. It’s a struggle to find deeper meanings…

A spiritual quest, it’s an aspiration to transform yourself from the ordinary to become a beacon. It tells us that there is nothing wrong in having desires as long as one is able to conquer the temptations by timely withdrawal. Heart, Mind, Soul, and Intellect should be in harmony to tread on the path of enlightenment!

The 50 page book, divided in 14 chapters and a prologue and introduction is a quick read, recommended as one of the best pick for reading during your travelling time. It will just take an hour of your time. However, the impact that it leaves behind can be long-lasting depending on your interest to change your life for the better. It leaves you with a hope to aspire for happiness, to venture in pursuit of peace…

Binduu Ma’am has done a wonderful job with it. Everyone must read it because life is too short, one must not die unhappy! The affirmations can help in transformation to a great extent. This book is therefore, for all those who seek their inner freedom. It’s like a key to open and come out of the confinements of the doors. Best wishes!

“I continue to grow beautifully on my inside while those wrinkles take care of my outside” – Binduu Chopra

Ratings: 3.75/5

Buying Links: Flipkart | Infibeam

This life is to be lived alone...

Searching in my delusional world,

In enormous atrocities I'm curled.

Yet vainly I look for it,

I hope to get it before I quit.

Deep inside I know what it means to me,

Yet I question; to be or not to be.

The answer part is not easy,

Engulfing me in a deep frenzy.

I know the key lies within,

To be in love is not a sin.

And yet I want to stop now,

As my heart doesn't allow.

It wants to remain a stone,

This life is to be lived alone.

I have seen  its good side,

But the bad images play in my mind.

It has made me smile, laugh, and dance too,

However, it has also left me with no clue.

I acknowledge that it has given me a lot, but oh,

It's the pain that it has given me in plenty though.

I remember being with my knight in shining armour;

in those arms that are my safe harbour.

And yet my heart refuses to mellow down,

I guess the reasons is the frown.

How can it hurt the one it loves?

So it moves on and shoves.

The one I was looking for remains unknown,

And this life is to be lived alone...

LIVE...

Sitting besides the window,
On a fresh new rainy day.
I think of you and I think of me,
And all that passed between us.
I delve into the past a little deeper,
Trying to remember some delusional details.
All I could reflect on was 'love'.
Love beyond anything and everything.
Love that remained undeterred so far!
You may have accused me of many things,
But I still firmly believe I was true to you.
Truely, madly, and deeply, in love with you.
Never even in my dreams I deceived you.
Still I guess for once, others are right,
You must not hold on to me so tight.

Live, like you always did,
Before we met on that Doom's Day!
So many more days, and nights,
Are still left to eagerly come in your life.
You have to live to see the beauty around you,
Beauty of life, as it unwinds itself.
For at times, you have to let go,
Of things and people, who are injurious!
So lets bid a 'goodbye' here, before it's late,
Before we can hurt each other anymore!
This would be enough for a lifetime,
I have your memories, you have mine.
Move on, meet people, find your happiness,
Don't you ever forget, Life is beautiful.
Live, Laugh, Love...

P.S. - I love you. Always have, Always will.

Let things be!

Sometimes you should just let things be,
Don't try to solve them, don't entangle.
You will end up messing it more.
Stay calm and let things sort out;
All by themselves, don't interfere.
God may not always like your involvement.
Just have faith in Him and move on.
Keep your head held high with grace,
You may be wrong, a sinner, a criminal,
But when the realization dawns,
A new birth takes place, of a saint in you.
Yes you turn into a saint from sinner;
The moment you start doing good.
Remember, there always comes day light,
After the devilish darkness of the deadly night.
And thats when all your sins get washed off.
Things start getting on the right track,
When you stop looking into the past all the time.
The frown on your face slowly changes into smile.
You are no longer sad and gloomy.
All it requires is trust, faith, and goodness.
Firmly believe in yourself and the good;
That is hidden beneath you, in your heart.
And keep doing good whenever you can,
Stop hiding, stop worrying,
'coz you deserve to be happy!
Burn out your past and begin a new present,
With an eye on a better future, on a clean slate!
Sometimes you should just let things be...

P.S. - Forgive me Father for I have sinned!

Trapped..

I detest, I drown, I delve within,
I try and try to climb up.
But every time I just fall.
It hurts, makes me cry in pain.
But I keep moving on.
Fighting my instincts, shuddering,
I keep going against all odds.
My wings are cut now, I lay still,
I am caged, disrupted from my path,
Vehemently, I cringe, I feel hollow,
Dusk to dawn, I shed enormous tears,

And then stand and fall again.
I am trapped yet I stay strong,
Power of thoughts keep me going on.
Hurdles interrupt my imagination,
And I feel so lost, so misguided,
I wish to be found now.
Before I give up and breakdown,
Winds blowing, are turning into storms,
I desire to be saved now.
And reach a safe abode.
Ups and downs waver me,
I look up at the horizon,
And wish for you to come!

Pool of Blood & Pain

I sit on the edge of a pool for hours,

Pool filled with blood, pain, and misery.
Am trapped in an invisible cage,

In worries am embedded.

Its like my soul is cringing, yelling in pain.

Lifeless, is what I feel mostly.

My body is becoming hollow gradually,

I hear voices, vehemently painful voices.

Blood, blood, blood,

Is all what I see.

Pain, pain, pain,

Is all what I feel.

Silence screams at me,

That feeling of nothingness grips me.

Faint sounds of laughter strike in my ears,

But alas, I have forgotten even to smile,

Let alone laugh. 

Unaccustomed pain has taken it all away.

The emptiness is closing on me now.

My life is a stand still, no joy.

Insomnia, is ruling. I can't even rest.

Yes, I am hurt, brutally hurt,

May be now am getting used to this pain.

I can't think of anything beyond this,

I am drowning in my own tears.

No air to breath, no desire to live,

Only a tortured soul resides within.

Death would be better than life,

But death doesn't come easy.

The pool keeps increasing in volumes,

Now I have reached right in the middle.

I wish I could reach the other side,

Before I can cross, I am forced to give up,

To surrender to the enormous pain,

And be so weak that I am unable to walk.

I am gradually becoming dizzy,

Numb, frozen, my mind and senses blocked.

Should I keep fighting in vain?

Should I be strong and tell someone?

Should I just be a slave to this harassment?

Should I surrender to this endless torture?

Should I kill myself before this pain kills me?

I guess yes! Dying would be much better after all.

At least I will catch on some peace at last.

Endless Wait

I keep turning pages as I sit in vain,
Sometimes I walk alone through the lane.
Memories haunt and they turn me restless,
And all of a sudden I feel worthless.

It happens every single time,
The same story, the same rhyme.
I am so tired of living the same dread,
It makes me go almost dead.

Its like a blackout, no hope at all,
All my words are but a drawl.
There's something missing in my life,
I guess its happiness for which my heart thrive.



I keep waiting endlessly at a corner,
But I never hear your voice or even a whisper.
I keep waiting for the answer to my questions,
Or may be just some suggestions.

I miss you or I miss myself more,
You love me? I'm not sure.
Your absence kill me each day,
Still I wait for you and I pray.

This distance between us makes me cry,
I just want to smile now, I won't lie.
This vainness is turning me insane,
The sheer loneliness lands me in immense pain.

The shadows from the past engulf me,
Resurrecting silence is not letting me flee.
Everything has turned so harsh and bone-chilling,
Am walking in your quest and struggling.

This wait is quite challenging; for me, for you,
Its like an unsolved mystery, with no clue.
Gushes of wind blowing through my hair,
Whisper your name, and reminds me of your care.

Stars in the sky accompany me, wink at me,
They assure me of a good time and make me see;
How near it is. I think I may be lost now and should moan,
But you must know, I'm not coming back, at least not alone.

Tonight I choose to cry!

May be I should never love,
May be I don't deserve to be in love,
May be its just not meant for me,
It makes me cringe, wanna break free!

I thought this time it would be different,
But again my heart got wounded with a dent.
I was made to choose,
And tonight I choose to cry!

I wanted to smile, wanted to be happy,
Seems like I don't have the right to be happy!
I hoped you would understand,
I wish you would at least pretend.

I know you love me, love me still,
Then why you make me go against my will?
This time you made me choose,
And tonight I choose to cry!

I wish you would know what you're doing to me,
I wish you would know that I wanna break free.
But you are caging me again,
Can't you see I'm in pain?

I know you must be deeply hurt yourself,
You have always kept me above yourself.
Otherwise you would never have asked me to choose,
And tonight I choose to cry!